Friday, July 29, 2011

Relationships The End

Well, to sum things up, I would tell you that it’s very difficult to leave a bad relationship. No matter how unhealthy, unhappy or unproductive it may be.  But if you stick it out, get away from the codependent relationship you have with this partner, do whatever you have to do to break free from that bondage and live life on your own terms for awhile. At least long enough to get know yourself, REALLY know yourself.
       Do something you’ve always wanted to try. Learn to paint or play an instrument. Or if you’re not very artist take a computer programming class or take a course in a second language. There are also online courses in all these areas and more. If you don’t have the money and would like do one of these things just contact me, Eric finds so many programs left behind on the computers he buys for parts that we may just have your dream program sent anywhere in the U.S. for the cost of shipping and handling and a nice word about the company! ABSOLUTELY NO STRINGS ATTATCHED!!!
I realize it’s hard to believe that there are people in the world that would do something and not ask for anything in return but it’s true; If I have to get my staff to leave their honest opinions of us than I must. It really hurts me that NOT ONE individual volunteered a soul for our DisabiliKeys projects. We have two laptops fully refurbished and ready to go into the hands of a needy SCI victim so we’re taking them to the nearest Spinal Cord Injury hospital in Pgh, PA, at Mercy Hospital. It’s just too bad you, my friends, didn’t take me seriously…I certainly hope you will from now on.
Friendships are relationships as much as any other and sometimes the hardest to learn and to earn trust within. But if you use the same principles I’ve demonstrated for love relationships, they should help you make wiser choices in this area too. And remember, not everyone is bad bent on evil domination of your life or somehow trying to finesse you out of something, while a lot of people do hold these loathsome qualities there are always those few truly enlightened people that are loving, kind, giving and honest. Really, I know at least two.

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Relationships Part 5

                    Once you feel you are truly ready then simply make yourself available again. You should be a happier, well grounded, confident, upbeat and self assured person. If you had taken enough time and did a thorough moral inventory on yourself and tried to honestly work on your personal defects then you should be ready to share your life with someone else. Good luck and do take it slow.
         I’m not a big fan of internet dating; however, lots of people meet this way and get to know each other online sometimes from very far distances and up meeting one another and fall in love. The problem with this kind of dating is that sometimes one or both parties isn’t completely honest with the other and a huge problem can arise from this kind of dating. I would ask for phone number right away and arrange a face to face meeting as soon as possible.
         This is the moment of truth. Will we fall for the same old bullshit or did we actually learn something about ourselves during those long months of soul searching? I would hope we learned something about ourselves and how we interact with opposite sex in a dangerous and unhealthy way. If you followed all of my suggestions you should be fine but always stay aware and if you feel you slipping backward into a dysfunctional way of interacting take big step back and reassess the situation.
         If things feel unfamiliar, you’re probably on the right track. When I met my Eric, he was the first man I didn’t fall instantly in love with. I even told him I would never love again because my heart belonged to another. He smiled and said he understood. Little did I know that he would woo me until I was truly, deeply, madly in love with him?
  (to be continued)                                                                                                   

Monday, July 25, 2011

Relationships Part 4

          Now you must spend a reasonable amount of time working on yourself and getting your head straight, your feelings under control and emotional health in tip top shape. Whether this means getting to your local library, studying over the internet, seeing a professional therapist or talking to a close and trusted friend, you’ve got to do whatever it takes to get healthy about choosing, living with and interacting with a live – in love partner.
         There is no set time period it only takes as long as it takes before you’re ready to try hand at love again. You don’t want to go into a relationship already placing conditions, having unrealistic expectations or expecting the worst. With this attitude you are definitely NOT ready. The way to know when you’re ready is when you no longer feel the need for someone else in your life. In other words, when you are completely content to be with yourself and don’t yearn to be with someone else as if something is missing from your life. Then and only then will you be ready and this time you will more than likely choose a partner that will treat you right, be available emotionally and have something in common with you. It would have blown your mind had you not taken all that time off to embark on a self improvement program!
         Once you are ready for a love relationship the best thing to do is let it come to you. Don’t jump in your car, hit the singles bars and actively seek it out. You’re treading on dangerous ground here. This way can get you with a smooth talking one night stand which does nothing for your self esteem but lower it into the toilet and make you feel really crappy about yourself. Granted it doesn’t happen as easily or often as it did when we were able bodied. And it may be very tempting to have a one night stand because of the pervasive loneliness we go through as disabled woman. But in the long run I believe we will want to preserve our self image and worth.  Of course the choice is ultimately your own.
(to be continued)   

Sunday, July 24, 2011

Relationships Part 3

        Most of us would say that we don’t want to grow old or die alone no matter how bitter love has left us. If we really want to a love that lasts, we need to look no further than inside ourselves first to find it. That is where the work must begin.
        If a previous relationship has made us anxious, bitter, confused, distrustful, frightened, ungrateful, hateful, indignant, jealous, lowly, malicious, negative, oppositional, petulant, quick-tempered, resentful, sad, timid, unwilling, vile and/or willful we have a bit self help work to do before considering getting involved with another person. How on earth could we possibly have a good, happy and healthy relationship with so much personal work needing done? I personally don’t believe it’s possible.
        Take as much time as it takes to get your head, heart and feelings into a healthier state. You will know when you are ready. Don’t hurry, hang out with your friends, let your closest      friends only know what you are doing and let them help. They will likely understand and if they don’t, they may have been part of the problem from the very beginning. You may actually have to cut some of your friends loose because they may be keeping you sick and keeping you in sick relationships. They don’t mean to mind you; it’s just that it’s the way they run their own relationships. Simply quietly, slowly, slip away. Stop calling, emailing, and texting and take them off your facebook. Say you’re very busy on a doctor’s ordered meditation plan that unfortunately can’t include them.
(to be continued)

Friday, July 22, 2011

Relationships Part 2

     It seems as though everyone has some sort of relationship problem in this day and age with no real solution. That’s simply a generalization. While it is true that many, many relationships are unhealthy, there are some good, steady, healthy and rewarding ones as well. I used to believe that love was just a lie and all you got was your partner’s left over anger, resentment, fears, insecurities and all his previous baggage once the guise of good behavior slipped away, after you tell him you are in love with him.
     The more relationships you have had that have gone bad, the less you want to take yet another chance with your battered and bruised heart. Yet if you don’t take that risk, then a lonely person you are indeed. Growing older with each passing day and growing lonelier with each sleepless night. But what are you to do risk what is left of the tiny piece of you that is left? This is your only choice IF you want another in your life. Some do choose to remain alone, playing the field as long as they can, or ending up hanging out in bars so long that they’ve acquired quite the drinking habit.
(to be continued)                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                

Thursday, July 21, 2011

Relationships 1

          Remember me talking about dreams a few blogs ago? Well, it seems that someone doesn’t want to share in my dream. So much so that he’s using emotional sabotage as a means of trying to talk me out of them. It’s making me feel so shitty that the excitement I should be feeling has morphed into guilt and resentment.  There’s also a large helping of good old fashioned emotional blackmail thrown in for good   measure.
          Although it would be nice to have his approval and for him to happy for me, I’m just going to have to be happy for myself and enjoy each moment as it comes. I’m still excited so I’ll be okay. I don’t need his approval to validate me. So, there is a lesson to be learned here; you don’t need someone else to tell who you are, what you should do, be, say or look like or who or what you should like or dislike. If a person doesn’t love you the way you wish to be then that person doesn’t love you. Another thing, you absolutely, positively cannot change who a person is or what they do. No matter how much you love them, threaten them or promise them, it can’t be done unless it’s what they want to do.
          So my next series of blogs will talk about relationships and the differences between a healthy one and an ugly, dangerous unhealthy one.                 
(to be continued)                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Procrastination The End

         Once you’ve put some order to your life, you will also have established several good habits in place of old worn self destructive behaviors. You should be feeling more confident, more in control and generally and overall happier and less anxious. If you are doing things with purpose and effort, you should have gradually graduated from a “to do” list to an all out journal or something along those lines. It would still contain all the things you need and want to get done that day, week or month however long a time frame you put on each item, but then it would include perhaps some short term goals, some positive things that have been happening for you and maybe some contacts of people that can help make your dream a reality.
         If your only short term goal was to break your terrible habit of procrastination then so be it, you’ve succeeded! Give yourself a pat on the back. Don’t allow anyone else to take the credit for your accomplishments, those days are over. Don’t let anyone belittle what you’ve achieved, that also is a thing of the past. And most importantly I believe, no negative self talk. Nothing upsets me more than to watch and hear a smart, funny, nice, and giving person put themselves down. STOP IT!!!  

Saturday, July 16, 2011


         Once you accomplish one item on your list, you will feel better about yourself, about your daily outlook out and about life in general. Even if it’s just a little bit, you will feel a sense of relief and pride that may be satisfactory for you that day or  you may want to go on to the next task just because it felt so good actually  getting something off that mountain that constantly looms over you threatening to bury you alive. However, one IS enough, so treat yourself with a piece of chocolate, a catnap or a small gift.
         Don’t quit, scratch off each item one by one and when you are finished with the big major items, go on to the not so urgent but still very important ones. Once again, write a “to do” list. Put them in order of importance. Start at the top of list and work your way down one item at a time, rewarding yourself each time you complete an a job.
         Soon or later that overwhelming feeling will leave, that fear of answering the telephone and the door will be gone and you will feel a sense of self worth and confidence you haven’t enjoyed in long, long time.

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Procrastination Part 2

          As I mentioned a couple of blogs ago, keeping a list is crucial to the person who shows “procrastinative” tendencies. It’s important not to procrastinate getting a notebook and designating it your “Things to do” book. Once you have done this start at the first page, write the date on the upper right hand line and begin. Don’t make the list so long it’s impossible to complete. Just make a list, in order of importance and urgency, the tasks you have been putting off and would like to complete, the calls you haven’t made that desperately need to be made, the emails and other mail you haven’t attended to and have been filling up your inbox and stacking up on your desk, and the housework or home repairs you keep promising yourself you’re going to get to but never quite make it.
        Believe me I know what a vicious cycle it can be; the longer you let things go, the more things pile up. The more things that pile up the more insurmountable they appear. The bigger the mountain of undone tasks you see around you the more depressed and less motivated you become. The more depressed and less motivated you become, the less likely you are to begin to tackling the ever growing mountain of tasks that threatens to bury you.
        My suggestion is to pick a day to begin writing your list and stick to that plan. You HAVE to start somewhere and writing a list is not quite so overwhelming than jumping in and just rearranging your heap of unfinished business. So grab a notebook at Walmart, some of your favorite pens ands get started on that day. Only put the top five most pressing issues on the first day and TRY to get them all accomplished. If you have 10 minute s of free time any time during the day you DO have time to exercise. No excuses!!! Especially if you are able-bodied, shame on you if you don’t work out.
(to be continued)                                                                                                                                              

Sunday, July 10, 2011

Procrastination Part 1

          Here I go again, trying to do four things at one time. I tell you this my friends, it’s much better than having nothing to do with my time; although I’d be hard pressed to find myself in THAT predicament. It’s wonderful to be so consumed with things to do. The only problem with that for me is I procrastinate on important tasks in favor of more enjoyable ones. I suppose that is only a natural human character defect that I just happen to possess. If I could use my hands I’d write a “to do” every night just like I used to when I was able bodied and put all the boring and difficult tasks at the top of the list so they would be the first to get done. I guess I could type up a list on the laptop and print it out then have the girls pick it up on their way into my room in the morning.
          Procrastinating leads to anxiety every time because I find myself worrying, fretting or hurrying over something I had ample time to deal with all along. It’s simply another self defeating behavior that’s become a bad habit. And like any other obsession, addiction or habitual behavior it will be hard but not impossible to break. As I mentioned in the 1st paragraph, recognizing the problem is the 1st step toward breaking the grip it has on us, You and I both know whether this is or isn’t a problem in your life. If it is, I will be writing my next series of blogs on how to recognize, where it was derived from and ways to overcome and ultimately beat procrastination in your life. That way you can take keep taking one step forward without having to worry about sliding two steps back even when you’re snow blinded by one of life’s little (or big) curve balls.

Friday, July 8, 2011

Dreams Part 3

       Two days ago as we were doing my physical therapy, I sat on the edge of my bed with my feet on the floor. Eric came in to make sure I was ready and Kristi had given me extra medicine and water to get my blood pressure up good and high. We were going to try again. Michelle had made a special trip in just to take photos and watch; everyone was excited.
       Eric came over to the bed where I was balancing myself; buttocks on the very edge of the bed, arms throw back behind me, knees bent and feet flat on the floor. He bent forward so I could get my arms around his neck and he held me around my lower back. In one smooth motion he stood up and with him so did I … for the first time in 6 ½ years! We kissed like we hadn’t seen each other in many, many months. As Eric gingerly walked me around in a circle, Michelle snapped a few shots. Standing up, even with help, was a dream come true … but the best part was holding Eric and him holding me … just like we used to … what seemed like a lifetime ago. And we did it again the next day until my arms grew too weary to hold on. And even though my arms ached all day, my spirit was filled with joy.  




More Pictures

Sunday, July 3, 2011

Dreams - The DisabiliKeys Project

       I’ve left a permanent note in right side bar of my blog explaining what Eric and I are trying to do. To be perfectly honest, the idea was Eric’s because he wanted to show his gratitude for my continued good health by helping the disadvantaged, low income or fixed income individual with a disability get a laptop computer that they can have modified to their needs into their possession. Especially if they are in a nursing facility or group home living arrangement where abuse or neglect is a possibility and they then would have a link to the outside world for help. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen him as passionate about anything as he is about this.
       There would be no cost to right person and Eric has 20 years experience fixing, updating and upgrading computers. Since we are just starting out we would be relying solely on donations of money, old laptop whether they are working or not, and computer or laptop parts. We are NOT YET a charitable foundation so all donations would be gifts so they would not be tax deductable and we would even send packaging prepaid to ship your donation/gift to us.
       I’m working on an application for enrollment but until I’m finished (within this week) PLEASE spread the word and nominate anyone you feel will benefit by leaving their name and a contact email address or phone number in my comment box.
       Remember, the individual should be in great financial need and have a disability. We will have a form to be signed by a doctor, nurse, or physical therapist stating the individual is truly disabled and an application about finances and personal likes and dislikes in case we happen to have some software and music that person might like to get them started.  
       Finally, on donations, any and all old worn out, broken and seemingly useless computers accepted along with monetary gifts will be greatly appreciated. As mentioned earlier we will send a call tag for postage on your outdated equipment. I realize it seems unlikely for someone to be doing something simply to help others but that’s what we’re doing. We feel blessed and we want to give some back … that’s how karma works, that’s how we work and I hope my friends that’s how you work.
                                                          MY PHOTOGRAPHER                  

Saturday, July 2, 2011

Dreams Part 1

        I believe it’s important to keep your dreams alive and strive to realize their fruition until it’s just not feasible to do so any longer. I won’t make excuses for not posting for so long , nor will I apologize. I will simply tell you that I’ve been fervently chasing a dream and that has been consuming my time but hopefully not my judgment.
        If were only 20 years younger, if I hadn’t gotten sick and gained and lost all that weight thus wrecking havoc on my skin, if only I wouldn’t have had that last tracheotomy, leaving that big scar, if only my stomach didn’t swell, if only, I had money then I could look any way I want. If only …I wasn’t wallowing in vanity and self doubt. I’ve either got to follow through or choose to do something else with my time. Besides, I have until I’m fifty years old and I always lie about my age. On this Model Mayhem I’m 39 years old and that’s okay as long as I can look 39, and I do so it’s cool. However, I still can’t escape the icy fingers of old age trying desperately to creep around my neck. Sometimes it’s haunting.
        Anyway, I’m a little down because it’s already July and Independence Day unofficially marks the halfway point of summer. I just wish Eric and I did something other than sit at home arguing most of the time. That’s honestly, one of the reasons I haven’t gotten a blog written. But I did want to leave you with a positive thought.
        Dreams, whatever yours may be, should not be given up on no matter your disability or your status in life. They should not be put aside for lack of wealth or beauty, or because of anyone else’s doubts, slurs or attempts to keep you in their box. Be strong, work hard, and believe it to achieve it. Dream your dream and do everything in your power to reach that pinnacle.