Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Days Gone By

        Before I was injured Eric and I shared open, frank, rich, and mutually satisfying sex life. I was married for ten years before I met Eric and my first husband never brought me to orgasm without me helping myself along. When I met Eric I had just turned thirty years old and Eric would not be twenty-four until December 13th and he was the first man to bring me to an orgasm using only his mouth. What he did with his lips, tongue, and teeth was truly artistic but it was his attitude that allowed me to relax, enough to feel beautiful, sexy and desirable that truly allowed an orgasm to flow through my body for the first time without masturbating since I began having sex at age 15. That was what made our sex life so great; the love we shared went far beyond the romantic into the realms of respect, true caring about how our partner was feeling, open-mindedness to try new things and explore undiscovered places and to feel so comfortable with one another it was as if each of us was simply an extension of the other.
        That’s why days like Valentine’s Day are so hard for me. They all remind of days gone by; days I’m just going to have face that I’ll never be able to recapture. No matter what I do or do not say, do, fail to do, fail to say or whatever other hundred excuses Eric has to pick a fight with me. I guess it’s time to take my own advice but its sooo hard. Every single time I’ve shown a tiny bit of self sufficiency Eric has sabotaged it by throwing me a major curve ball like climbing into bed with me on a Sunday afternoon, snuggling, making love for hours and then falling asleep with big, strong, safe arms around me. I just can’t take the mixed signals anymore. I will go insane. And how on earth am I supposed to date? With Eric as my chaperone? Don’t know what to do friends, haven’t a clue.   

1 comment:

  1. Don't worry about how to date, don't worry about finding another man. Worry about finding YOU.
    Try to find a way to become independant, and figure out ways to respect and be happy with yourself.
    Then - you can find a man who respects you too.


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