Thursday, March 22, 2012
Not only do you keep lowering your standards, but you come up with reasons to convince yourself that this will be definitely, positively be the last time and your excuses are completely valid. You’re not thinking about the consequences or the things you’re doing to get your fix.
These are the things that happen when that inevitable day comes when you use all medication before the next refill is due and you go through the hell of withdrawal. If you’ve never experienced it please let me explain. First, you get depressed because your brain is no longer getting the serotonin you’ve been artificially giving it and it has forgotten how to produce the chemical on it’s own. Then, you begin to feel nauseated, start to feel antsy, jittery and achy. Later on you really get sick, with hot and cold sweats, diarrhea, body aches and vomiting. You know if you had a pill or whatever you’d feel better but you’re too sick to go looking or you’re not at that point yet.
Sooner or later though, the withdrawal will drive you to that decision to find something to stop the hell. Addiction sucks. As a victim of SCI, it’s not hard to find to another doctor or a pain center. But you always have to watch how much you’re using ihv case the pain clinic wants you wants you to bring in your remainder of your pills.
(to be continued)