Friday, September 23, 2011
I simply haven’t been inspired to write lately. I can’t put my finger on it. Is it because the summer is over and I’m getting the blues? Is it Eric’s defiance when it comes to letting me shoot with another photographer? Is it cabin fever because now that Don is no longer my peer counselor I don’t get out much? Whatever it is, I just can’t formulate an idea.
Writer’s block they call it, I think it’s more like plain and simple depression. My days are all the same, exactly, day in and day out. I’m so bored!! I’m going out of my mind with the tedium of each monotonous day’s same old routine. If something doesn’t change I swear I’ll lose my mind.
I would really love to do something with my modeling but with Eric holding me back I don’t know what will happen except I keep getting older and older. I should just have Michelle take videos of me and start a pay website for devos. Why should they be looking at all my photos for free anyway? I don’t think I could ever really do that even if it would make a lot of money.
Speaking of the men who have a fetish for woman in wheelchairs or with disabilities, my Facebook page is being overwhelmed by friend requests by these guys. I would love to male friend but I can’t weed them out. So I’m stuck with a bunch of men friends that wouldn’t really have the nerve to approach me in person and use the internet to fulfill a fantasy. I must be doing something really wrong.
Eric is always unhappy with me no matter what I say or do. I don’t see us ever getting back together which leaves a crater in my heart after all this time, everything he’s put me through and everything we’ve been through. That thought leaves my soul aching like an abscessed tooth. I pray to get through this somehow.