Sunday, April 24, 2011
I don’t think it would matter what I did, what I said, what I wrote, what kind of mood I was in, how much attention I showered, how much privacy I gave, what I looked like, whether or not I was clean or if I NEVER ever again made a mistake, Eric would STILL find a reason to fight with me. And God forbid if I try to talk him about it to him about it, then comes the emotional threats such as “Well, I guess if that’s the way you feel then I’ll REALLY start acting that way.”
We’ve always had a somewhat unhealthy relationship because I was always an alcohol and/or addict and he was definitely at least somewhat codependent. Because every time he told if I left home this time to go drinking don’t come home because he wouldn’t let me in. but he ALWAYS let me in. Even though I KNEW I was in for a lecture and a dressing down, l couldn’t keep myself from repeating the same mistakes over and over again.
I suppose after every thing we’ve been through there’s bound to be a smidgen of dysfunction in our relationship. Although I must say when looking for “normal” family values and interactions and a real partnership of a marriage that also contains unconditional love, I only have to look at Eric’s family and Dad and Mom.
Week 37 with no cuddling or loving and I’m really getting lonely. Although mom and dad did come by and bring us Easter dinner. I was quite upset to learn that they knew every little detail about my son’s Billy’s struggle with drugs and his arrest record. Apparently, one of his teachers at triangle tech is friends with Eric’s dad and was Bill’s instructors at the tech school. I guess the he was talking about a student that was court ordered to attend classes which was not the norm for him. I just didn’t want mom and dad to have any preconceived opinions about Billy before they had the chance to meet him for themselves.
I HOPE EVEYONE HAD A WONDERFUL EASTER!
I’ll will talk to you all tomorrow, goodnight.