Muscle Stim and Meditation Update

      I thought I’d give you an update on my daily muscle stimulation and nightly muscle meditation since I’m gaining more and more movement as time goes by. Now, instead of just a slight movement of my big toe, I can spread my toes open and wiggle that big toe side to side or up and down. I can even move my foot a little now. I also can visibly flex the muscles in my buttocks and hold my sphincter closed when I have to move my bowels and I’m waiting for Eric to put me on the potty chair.

      We’re still doing the same muscle stimming routine except we’ve added my arms and legs into the rotation. We started the new rotation shortly after the last time I posted about this which was about 6 months ago. We also had to alter the placement of the pads as my muscles tightened. I have attached photos so you can see the difference in my muscles.

(to be continued)

                                                                          

A Prayer for Eric

Eric’s neuropathy has been so bad, so painful and so swollen that it took him 5:00am to get me tucked into bed yesterday and Michelle couldn’t even get me out of bed until 4:00pm. I asked her to shave me but it never takes her longer than 1 ½ hours, so I don’t know what on God’s green earth could have taken her so long. It seems like every time I fall asleep my employees milk the clock. I can understand Kristi doing it, she’s not my close friend, but not Michelle. I just wonder what she was doing for SIX hours while I dozed off and on. I had my bowel routine today but was finished and back in bed by 12:30 noon. Plus I was already halfway shaved. So basically it tok her 3 hours to finish shaving me, put on my moisturizer, take care f my catheter and dress me.

Enough of my complaining, the purpose of this post is t ask for prayers for Eric and his health and pain. The pain has been so severe he’s talking about suicide daily. Yesterday he cried out in agony for four hours straight. The guilt and empathy I felt for him was overwhelming and nerve racking. I had to take an extra tranquilizer just to keep it together. So please say a prayer for Eric tonight. Thank you, my friends.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                               

                                                                                

Photo Shoots

       We’ve been shooting pictures like crazy. Did a photo shoot with a photographer from Huntingdon, PA. His name was John Biddle and I dressed up like a Steelers cheerleader. John was very nice and easy to work with. He took about 150 shots and I found 10 I liked. I’m still waiting for the edited pictures.

       Then Eric and I and the girls did a shoot in white lingerie. 172 photos of great shots that people on model mayhem are turning their noses up at, simply because the pictures aren’t signed or edited. Perhaps if I had big round fake breasts I would have got a better response. At any rate, I gave a bunch to Eric to edit and sign. Maybe he’ll get a little more respect after that.

       I realize I’m being a tad bit sarcastic but I’ve been working my butt off to try and make it before I’m too old. I should just give it up and start my own website with only handicapped girls. I would make a killing! But no, I’m trying not to stoop to that level. So it’s back to the drawing board. I have a shoot on Monday with another photographer and I need to be ready and I don’t know what to do yet.  Well, tomorrow we’re putting our heads together for some ideas.

Reasons for Not Posting

       I’ve been spending all my time on a modeling website getting my portfolio together and networking with all sorts of people in the industry. That’s the main reason why I haven’t been posting. So I decided I should tell you all something about the website itself.

       I found the site while registering with roll models, a site for disabled models, actors, musicians and performers. It’s called Model Mayhem and now that I’m registered I’m building a professional portfolio to take and send to prospective clients. At my age, I only have a few more years in which to sell my wares. I could make a killing starting an off color website directed at devotees and have actually thought about it. With the economy the way it is I’m sure a lot of us have considered this.

       I’m thinking about closing down my face book account again. I can’t see posting all my pictures there for free when I could be selling them. Just like these models who pose nude on model mayhem in their portfolios. I think it’s stupid because anyone can come along and copy that picture and save it to their hard drive. When I do my lingerie and implied nude shoots, I’m having Eric shoot them and I won’t post them anywhere but on my own website.

       So that’s where I’ve been instead of posting, plus I have face book, twitter, four email accounts and photomodelnetwork. Though, none of it is more important than this blog and I apologize for letting it go. I’ll be back on track before you know it. Until then, I will write something at least every other day. Thanks for hanging in there with me!

                                                                             

My Birthday Present

My birthday is coming up AGAIN and boy is it true what gram used say,” The older you get, the faster time seems slip away…”. It seems as though I just had a birthday yesterday and here comes yet another year to add to my life. This year, however, I will finally be turning 40; a birthday year I’ve dreaded since turning 30. Being a model is a young woman’s game and it makes it that much more competitive. I feel more handicapped by my age than I do by from quadriplegia. I am getting a special gift though, a Rottweiler puppy or a tabby kitten, whichever I chose it will thrill me beyond belief. I will probably get a kitten because one of my two remaining cats, 12 year old Bilbo, is deathly afraid of dogs. One time, my sister came out for a visit with her young son and Labrador years before I became hurt. Well, Bilbo caught one look at that dog and climbed up a tree so far Eric had to get him down by climbing a ladder and rescuing him AFTER the dog went home with my sister! Hopefully he’ll take to a new kitten because I think that’s what I’m going to chose. I lost my dear Cochese, my 15 year old tabby, to a wasting illness last year and I’ve missed him so much.

                                                                             

Internet Safety Online Dating Cites

So that’s when we’re tempted to try internet dating; at least I was. There are literally hundreds of thousands of sites, ready and willing to sign you up immediately. Promising to find you that perfect match, your long lost friend and soul mate. Of course it’s all free until a couple weeks later when you are asked for the membership fee. AFTER you’ve filled out the ten page questionnaire designed to match with the right mate, given ALL your personal information, including a bio, and uploaded at least one picture. Then you’re free to scan the website for potential partners.

       Some sites are generic, they’ll find you that one and only and others are specialized, Christian sites, naughty sites, sites for the handicapped. There are also messages, kisses, nudges, winks, hearts and a plethora of nonsensical and non verbal ways of communicating your interest in someone. It seems like a huge waste of time if you are not going to directly contact and talk to someone. Perhaps I just had bad experiences. Of course I never paid for a “full” membership, so I never got the little perks. Every time I tried to write a serious message, I’d get a “kiss” reply or some other non personal response.

       And the junk mail and notifications! I had literally hundreds of these and I don’t know about you but I get enough junk email. I guess everyone’s experience could be different and I have no idea what type of experience you’d have if you paid but I can’t see it being much different. Once again you must be careful with virus and adware. You’d better be certain of your antivirus program and perform regular maintenance on your computer. When it comes down to brass tacks the decision is yours but in my experience it’s a huge waste of time, a danger to your personal information and to your computer.

                                                                               

Internet Safety Part 2 Internet Dating

I know from personal experience the down side and dangers of internet dating web sites. I suppose everyone who is single, divorced or otherwise unencumbered, gets lonely. And when they do they would probably go out to club or a party and try to meet someone. Now I’m not saying that just because we’re disabled we can’t go out, it’s just a little more difficult for some of us due to the fact that we can’t drive anymore. Some of us are completely dependent on someone else to drive us around which not only makes things harder getting out but makes them awkward once out. Some of us actually need to be escorted by an attendant, depending on the severity of our disability. How awkward is that?

a.  My injury is C-6 incomplete and my hands are paralyzed. That’s the biggest inconvenience when you’re trying to get close to someone; it’s difficult to even hold someone’s hand and I need help feeding myself. Another embarrassing situation I have to contend with when thinking about dating. I certainly would need a understanding date and I wouldn’t necessarily want to go out with a devotee, that is if I could get him to go in the first place. So I hope you understand my, other’s and maybe your own dilemma.

(to be continued)

Internet Safety Facebook The End

Face book seems pretty innocent, a great way to look up old friends and a surprisingly easy way to find new friends. It’s a good way to network, advertise and post links to ANYTHING. So let’s say, for example, you write a blog. Face book is a wonderful avenue for getting the word out. This is the reason I, after deleting my 1^st account after having soo many personal problems, decided to open a new account. I decided from the start to have no more than 30 friends who actually read my blog and stayed in touch with me. I now have over 70 and only about 10 give me the time of day!

      Some people get so hooked they spend hours and hours on Face book every day; scanning You tube for joke, news, music and bizarre videos to upload to their page or the newsfeed so everyone can see them and comment on them. I know mothers who neglect their children, men who let their jobs suffer and children who break into their parents’ bank accounts because Face book has become more than a hobby or a tool. Some folks have turned their Face book life into something more important to them then their actual real lives. These people can actually start caring more about their internet families and friends than their own families. They are on face book on their phones or i Pods when away from their home computers. I have a friend who enjoys facebook so much she does this.

      When you’ve reached this point you have far surpassed a ordinary Face book user; you my friend have a serious addiction. Then there’s the “friend collector”. I’m sure you’ve been on your Face book page answering a friend request and seen the users with thousands of friends. 3000 friends; How in God’s name can you possibly keep in touch with that many people? Do these individuals have such a low self esteem that they need thousands of imaginary friends? At this point I believe a therapist is in order.

      In short, if you find you have a Face book addiction, please get help. A good psychologist can point you in the right direction. If any part of your “real” life is suffering because of your use; this is a signal that you have a problem. The first step to getting help is admitting it. I wish you luck and only good things.

(next internet dating sites)

                                                                                

Internet Safety Part 1 Facebook

       The internet can be a fantastic tool, a window into anywhere in the world and great way to access information and research anything you can think of. But it can also be a trap and an addiction if used too often or for the wrong reasons. People spend hours on face book, in chat rooms and shopping for things they just don’t need and can’t afford.

       Some people get involved in things that become addictions and end up hurting them and their families. Like gambling, pornography or theses “free” dating sites that promise them their perfect match” or “soul mate” that will make them happy the rest of their lives. These sites are of particular interest and worry to me because we as disabled people sometimes find it hard to get out in social situations to meet people and if we are looking to date then they can be rather appealing. I myself have been sucked into more than one of these sites. It was there and on Face book that I have met all of my devotees. Sadly, I never met a man that was interested in me for my personality on the internet; I suppose it is possible, however, since nothing is impossible.

       That’s why I decided to post something about safe internet practice. Not only are there all kinds of mischief to mixed up in but there are nasty viruses and worms that can wipe out your entire hard drive. Imagine every photo, song, document, and slideshow wiped out forever and you left sitting there staring at “the blue screen of death” or worse yet, nothing but a DOS prompt? That paints quite a picture doesn’t it?

       There are a few major offenders and the first and probably best known is Face book. Despite their claims of being a safe and private social network, their games and applications all come with what’s called data miners. These data miners are tiny programs, actually subroutines, that bypass your antivirus and collect personal information about your likes and dislikes, shopping habits, and sometimes rarely if used illegally, to actually gather information such as your credit card number and social security number. They are mostly used to target you for spam. These can also fall under the category of adware. This is why it so important to download a program called “ad-aware” and run this program periodically on your computer before shutting down. Be certain it comes with Lava soft, that’s how you know it’s the real thing. It will remove these data miners and any adware your system has been collecting.  That’s one of the computer related problems with face book. Next I will discuss the psychological aspects of face book addiction.     

(to be continued)