Saturday, February 4, 2012
I’m sorry to break away from the subject at hand but I’m very depressed. I wish I could come right out and tell you what is bothering me so profoundly but I can’t bring myself to do that just yet. Let’s just say I’m feeling so trapped in a situation that causes me so much guilt and fear my stomach is constantly filled with remorseful nausea. It’s something that Eric decided to do and now I’m inevitably caught up in it.
His justifications all seem sound and his methods are impeccable. But the bottom line is that the act in and of itself is so distasteful it’s causing me tremendous grief. I don’t know what to do because as right now I’m caught between a rock and a hard place. The only time I feel good about it is immediately after the act itself. Even then I begin to worry about the “what if’s”. I don’t want to be a part of it but this month I’m pretty much forced to. I can’t wait until things are back to normal. That won’t be for about 2 weeks.
After that I have choice to make. Hopefully, I make the right one.