Refresher Part 5

        But let’s get back on topic shall we. I just wanted  to  show that I’m not speaking from some high and mighty pedestal , I’ve been there too, probably in at least as bad if not worse relationships than you my friends. Now that I’ve described a little of mine, I believe it time to talk about how to end the madness and get on with a happier, healthier, more productive life  that has room for a good relationship. Until then we’ll keep ending up in same old bad relationships with the same old sick behaviors over and over again. It’s inevitable until we change the way we think about ourselves, the opposite sex and life in general.

        The first and most difficult part of the healing process is to break away from the person keeping us down, making it impossible to feel good about ourselves and making us spend every waking moment trying to think of ways to change ourselves so the other person changes and starts treating us the way we would like to be treated. Come on friends, this is no way to live and somewhere deep inside you, you know it! No matter what reason you give for living this way it will never be good enough or make enough sense for you to be wasting your love and your life this way. No matter what you do or do not do, give or give up, you CANNOT change another person. You can only change yourself and haven’t you already tried that too many times too count? Try to think about it logically no matter how much it hurts. If that person loved you the way you love them, wouldn’t they have at least at TRIED to change their behavior if for no other reason  than to make and/or see you happy once in awhile? And I’m not talking about settling for bread crumbs when you’re in a committed relationship when you should be sharing half the loaf.

        So gather your strength and make a plan. Unless things are violent and you are being physically or sexually abused then you’ve no choice but to get out NOW. If you haven’t already done so, start a savings account separate from this relationship and in private. It helps if you have a trusted same sex friend to help                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    you with this. Start putting money away fast and furiously. Begin looking for a place to live. If you have children it may make it more difficult if he fights you for custody so prepare yourself and your children for a battle with CYS.  Once you have a basic idea about where you are going to live, then it’s time to break the news to him.

(to be continued)