Sunday, August 28, 2011
Negative self talk is something you’ve probably been engaging in since you were a little tot. Let’s say for example you hear your parents arguing about something ridiculous like supper. Your father is yelling at your mother because she made spaghetti and meatballs instead of meat and potatoes. So your mom says well that’s what he/she, meaning you, wanted and I didn’t see anything wrong with that. But your dad’s in bad mood from work or drinking too much or whatever and makes a big deal about it. You say to yourself, “Why did I have to be such a dummy and want spaghetti?” As if you could read minds which my dear friends you cannot! And even if you could what’s wrong with answering your mother when she asks you what you want to eat?
Stop whatever you are doing, sit down and think. How many times have you put yourself down, called yourself a name or felt guilty over something said or something done that was completely out of your control? Too many times I’m sure. This is called negative self talk and it’s time to unlearn the lifetime habit.
I must say that this is an ever ongoing process and I still find during those weak moments slipping back into this behavior. But if you just follow a few steps, one thing at a time, first things first, you’ll be okay.
First, you must recognize when you are saying these things to yourself. Usually, this behavior is deeply ingrained in your psyche you don’t even realize you’re doing it. This is where your friends come in to play. That is if you have friends you can trust with such personal information. Hopefully you have at least one trustworthy friend you can turn to. If not you are pretty much forced to seek out a self help group or professional therapy which I suggest anyway. That’s one heck of a lot of responsibility to heap on your friend alone. The bottom line here is someone’s got to point it out to you whenever you start calling yourself names, putting yourself down or blaming yourself for something you either didn’t have any part in or no control over. The more it’s pointed out to you, the easier it becomes to recognize it. Plus the more often you are doing your positive affirmations (remember those?) the easier it will be to see and hear negativity in your life.
Then, start working on letting go of your resentments. Harboring hatred or a death wish for someone doesn’t harm them at all but it slowly eats a hole into your soul like cancer.
(to be continued)