Friday, June 24, 2011
By now you have probably figured out for yourselves that my family is a little more than just a little dysfunctional. But visiting with Mom gave me the assurance that the shit list lingers although is fading just like my mom’s once steel trap of a mind. It was sad to see her sitting there; looking so small and frail but trying so hard to be cheerful and upbeat. It’s a terrible business watching your own mother growing so old and it nearly brings me to tears just thinking about how lonesome and afraid she must feel at those moments she faces her own mortality.
Well, here it is another Friday night just slipping away, another week of summer gone and 7 less days of life to be lived. Do I feel like I contributed to the lives of anyone this week, done anything I am proud of, had any fun or tender moments or even thanked God once for my blessings? Maybe I did some of those things but I want, no, I NEED to live my life to the fullest and I’ll never have that with Eric. But now that he is sick, mostly from taking care of me, I really feel like I’m in his debt. Moreover, we’re fighting another monster now. Since Eric’s been in such constant excruciating pain, his neurologist has him on very strong opiates and he’s become completely, fully, devastatingly addicted to them and has all the problems that come with that including no sex drive. So now I know.
Fear not though friends, the shit list lives on in my niece’s family and her two teenage boys and my sister Mary and her son Shane and little as like to admit it my young man Bill. Who by the way is back out on mean streets after breaking into our house while we were in Pittsburgh and stealing A LOT of pills from Eric and me. Have a good weekend, be safe, love each other without conditions and PLEASE don’t follow the above mentioned form of discipline “the shit list”.