Tuesday, June 7, 2011
I must use all my tools tonight to be a happy, well adjusted, partner in my relationship because I think if I can take my own advice Eric and I would have a happier healthier personal life. For some reason I’m pushing away Eric more and more. For instance, he used to give me a kiss every night before going to bed, he has stopped doing that and I really miss it. He tells me it’s because I want my computer and a cigarette. It’s got to go deeper than that. My laptop is already in the room and I can smoke my own cigarette and always tell him when I put it out so he doesn’t have to worry about me burning something.
He’s back to not getting enough rest because he’s trying to do too much too late in the day. We have more money and he promised to let me take over the finances for him, like banking, bill paying, and keeping up on all the credit lines. We also had a plan to let me take over grocery shopping, going to walmart, and the pharmacy with him and do the shopping just like I used too. He was in such high spirits last week and this week he’s grumpy and depressed. It seems as though he’ll talk and joke and laugh with anyone but me. I can’t help but feel hurt about that. I just don’t know what it is about me he abhors so much.I think I get so frustrated with other areas of my life that I inadvertently let it spill over into my relationship which I MUST stop doing. For instance, my hair is the longest it’s ever been. However, I needed a haircut because the ends were damaged. Well, I came home with a horrible cut, damaged hair due to highlights, and part of it broken off from poor styling. I let that haircut upset me even into today! Thursday I meet with the manager to see what can be done to satisfy me. Unless they have found a way to magically regrow hair I will NOT be satisfied. And unless Eric steps up and acts likes a man and makes love to me that’s it, I’m looking elsewhere. This may sound a little harsh to some of you, but if you’ve read my whole story you I’m certain you’d understand,