Saturday, May 7, 2011
The way I ended my blog last night tells that my head is not in a very good space right now. I got off topic and started to vent about my own real or imagined reasons for feeling bad. One thing that I always try to remember that I discovered through years of therapy is that other people aren’t capable of MAKING me feel a certain way. It’s my reaction to what they do or say that dictates my emotions. I may disagree with, be angered by, think what they’ve done or said was unfair but in the end I can choose how to feel and react about it. And if I think about it long enough there’s always a simple logical albeit sometimes painful reason behind it all. But most of the time it’s not as big a monster as I made it in my head.
My anxiety has been on high since Bill left and I haven’t heard a word from him. I could hunt him down all over God’s creation but I won’t. I won’t make a call, send an email or take a drive, I’m too afraid to know where he is and what he’s doing. But I’m afraid not knowing as well. I’m telling you friends I’ve been teetering on the edge of a high panic state for about a week now. I believe I need to pull ALL the tricks out of the bag on this one so onward and upward keeping a positive attitude.
An attitude of gratitude is good way of remembering to be grateful for the things you have because believe it or not things can get worse. The first thing I do when feeling like things are coming undone is try to thank God (or whatever or whomever you feel is a higher power, force, or creator) for all the things I am truly blessed to have which are many. Try not to let the negative junk into your thoughts, like what you really need and have been doing without, only your blessings that you are especially thankful to have, to be, to live with every day.