Saturday, May 21, 2011
Letting go of resentments takes time, patience and practice. The first thing I had to do was realize was that I was powerless over what fate the person or persons I resented (or in my case, hated with a passion I had never felt before) were going to live no matter what type of revenge scenario I fantasized about unless I somehow found the way, the means and gumption to actually go through with it. And even then how could I ever be sure they had suffered enough unless I made it my life’s works to do so and even if that was legal what kind of life would I have? Would it truly be fulfilling? What could possibly be lost by simply trying to let it go and let a power greater then myself handle the justice of a world filled with so much injustice? After all, I’m not Wonder Woman and I simply don’t possess that kind of power let alone time and energy to concoct a scheme of revenge viable enough to pull off and dreadful enough to fit what I believed to be the crime and I thought the severity of the punishment should be.
So after really thinking these things through, I decided nothing could be lost and I could always resume plans for revenge after letting let go of the resentment and relinquishing control of the situation to God. I cannot say it easy or that it happened all at once overnight. It seemed that as I began to focus my thoughts and energy on my nightly routine, the nightmares became less frequent(oh yes, what they did to me caused me to have nightmares well after it was over!) because my mind had something else to concentrate on before sleep instead of inevitably going back to those haunting memories time and time again. I always began my meditation/muscle flexing and relaxing with the Lord’s Prayer, although any prayer will do just fine and ended with prayer of thanks and gratitude at the progress I making and for the fact that I KNEW He would heal me and someday make me walk again when He ready..ThenI started thanking Him before I would finish but during my meditative exercise relation program just in case I fell asleep before I was through. Honestly, friends it’s hard to make room in your heart for resentments when it’s already filled with gratitude. So you see everything I do to unload all that heavy unhealthy baggage I do has another purpose equally important function. If shedding resentments can be a fringe benefit then I say that’s great and thank you God. I’ll be happy without that weight dragging down and coloring my every thought and therefore every word that comes out of my mouth.
And not that it really matters but they both DID get their punishment and it didn’t come from me. My fiancée suffers every day with peripheral polyneuropathy which is quite painful and the other party may still be on house arrest or incarcerated for numerous offenses and may still not have her children because of her arrests, convictions and involvement with drugs. You can read all about it on my facebook page if you are at all interested. I feel vindicated and all I did was let go and let God handle the situation…which he did…with a vengeance.
Until next time my friends please take care of the most important person in your life…YOU!