Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Billys Left Home Again The End

      So that unwelcomed knock on the door DID come and we were obliged to let the two state troopers into our home so they could take a look around and make certain that there were no drugs or guns in the house (good thing they didn’t look very much). Eric and Bill pretended that everything was alright, they had an altercation outside, resolved their differences and everything was settled now. Nothing could have been further from the truth. I had just breathed my first sigh of relief when Billy said something smart – assed to me and Eric heard him.
Looking back I don’t even know why I wanted him to stay so badly. Maybe I was trying to save him, I’m sure I was, I’m his mother after all. But after all the stealing, not just because they were my pain meds, he knew I had an appointment with my pain specialist and that they wanted me to bring all my medication in with me. He also stole money out of my purse…all of it and my things like my tweezers and other grooming tools. Before he left, he told me I was a terrible mother and always chose my man over him. He confessed to stealing our pills then took back his confession and said we never did anything for him.
 I wish I would have insisted that move out here with us when we first bought the house 1997 when he was 14 years old. He could have kept in touch with his old pals and he could easily have made new friends in different school. Eric would be a different man because he may not have had the affairs. I would be happier because I would be closer to both of them. God, why can’t we go back in time?

In the end Bill said what he had to say, packed up his meager belongings and even took the food his bum stamps had purchased, even though he blew through that the first week and we gladly fed him the rest of the month. I tried to explain to him that we needed to make the food last a whole month. We tried to teach him so many things in three months and UNteach him so many more. At first Eric couldn’t have been more generous, accommodating and supportive and I couldn’t have been more emotionally available, loving and always praising his accomplishments. But Bill either wouldn’t or couldn’t be completely honest with us.
He walked away from me almost a week ago, tears and snot running down my face, right after he told me I was a horrible mother and I haven’t heard from him since.

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