Wednesday, April 20, 2011
At least that’s one of the reason’s Eric gave when it had been 4 ½ years since he touched me and I simply demanded an answer. Unlike some of his blatant excuses this one made some sense. When your lover cleans feces out of your privates enough times I suppose you wouldn’t be very sexy to them anymore. I could cry enough tears to make a river for what we’ve lost. So PLEASE don’t make the same mistakes I did; I implore you take my advice and heed my warnings unless you like pain and becoming paralyzed wasn’t enough of a blow to your self image, worth, esteem and confidence. We’re coming up on 18 years together as a couple and we don’t even cuddle anymore. My heart is so shattered, burned and blackened, I don’t know how I feel most days. On one hand I think I should get over it and on with my life but when I ask Eric if he wants me to get a boyfriend, he always says no, but I’m sooo lonely and NOT getting any younger. Every single Sunday for the last 36 weeks I’ve asked him to snuggle with me. But something always gets in the way, so that’s how long it’s been since he’s made love to me exactly 4 times in 6 years.
Now lately I’ve had my attendants taking over some of my bowel program like inserting the suppositories and other personal hygiene like giving me my showers and shaving me. They are also taking care of my menstrual cycle during shift hours. Unfortunately, there are still times when Eric must change my tampon or pad which upsets me greatly. But at least he is allowing more responsibility to my girls. He’s pretty much forced too now because of his health. So far it hasn’t made a difference maybe as he gets more rest and time to himself … I’ll let you know all about this as I always do.
(to be continued)