Saturday, January 29, 2011

My Story Wrap Up Revised

         This brings my story pretty much up to date. Now you must forgive me for the comas and subsequent brain seizures have left my memory a little bit Swiss cheesy so please allow me to fill in a few a gaps.
         First, when I was 1st injured the state gave us a choice of agencies from which I could receive my certain services called waivers which is slightly different depending on what county you live in, what type of service you may want, and in the case of employees, how much you want them to be paid.
         In the beginning this was very confusing to Eric and me, not to mention we both were still in shock from the accident, the resulting injury and the fact that at the family meeting to discuss with my rehab doctor, the physical and occupational therapists my care and needs, Eric was the ONLY one to show up out of my whole “family”. So we let the rehabilitation center handle all the arrangements and came home to no state funding.
         As time went by we finally straightened out my waiver but I started with only 36 hours of attendant care. That, of course, was in addition to the 40 hours they were paying Eric. Unfortunately for us, his work didn’t end at 40 hours and he became exhausted and frustrated. That, of course, led to Devie and my first punishment for taking his life away from him (even though he offered with his unconditional love speech in the ICU when I was 1st hurt)
         Secondly, I DID attend outpatient physical and occupational therapy for two years. One of those Mary (my lil’ sis) was working for me the first time and stayed about a year but left citing emotional reasons for not staying on. During my time in therapy we didn’t have owe own lift van so I had to take public transportation to every doctors’ appointment or anywhere else I would care to go. I worked very hard while in OP rehab and even tried a standing machine and a manual wheelchair. My PT and I worked every week to try and teach me to sit up on the side of the mat stand with my feet on the floor and my hands in held out in front of me. Even after my best efforts, I could only manage the act few seconds and maybe, on a good day, a minute or two. I wasn’t doing much better in OT. We would work on strength training one week and dexterity the next. I was progressing in every area except one; since my hands are paralyzed I have no grip and my fingers don’t work so I have no pinch. Every time an update was due the OT would cheat by helping my squeeze the instrument that measured that and helped me pinch just to get my insurance to pay for 6 more weeks. Finally my insurance was used up however, I was unaware of this and my doctor told me I had progressed as far as I ever would and he saw no reason to keep me in rehabilitation any longer. The worst thing about his detestable statement was that I believed it!  
         Thirdly, Eric’s health started going downhill about a year before I made the repulsive mistake of hiring Nicole. Thank God he had saved enough money to pay off some debts, get his credit straight and buy some good health insurance before he became really ill. First it was high blood pressure and then a never ending search to try and find out what was causing his foot pain when he and I already knew. Now I had another thing to feel guilty about but I STILL didn’t understand how much I asking of him until it was too late and I was finally understood what my petty demands got me… completely shattered.

         Lastly, my overall attendant hours slowly increased until one day I finally told my case supervisor that I HAD to have more hours. ALL my doctors were now were now in Pittsburgh PA, , I had outpatient physical therapy twice a week, and ever since my hospitalizations I had to two new lung therapies every day. To my pleasant surprise I was allotted 110 hours from 77.  I thought for SURE this would please Eric and give us enough time to “be alone” after all it had been 4 ½ years since he touched me yet he promised “it only a matter of time or when I’m not so tired or when we get more help”. Well, here was my shot but by the time I filled out schedule (including the SLUT) not only was left alone and wanting but as completely broken inside as I was on the outside.
         But now I’ve had two loyal caregivers, Sharlene, who started in September of 2009 and Kristi who started right after the holidays after I finally got rid of the WHORE late in January 2010. Both have been with me since and I hired Michelle about a month ago. Things seem to be working out famously. Eric even made love to a about a 6 weeks ago. I just pray it’s not another 4 ½ years.
         One more thing, my 28 year old son is now staying with us. I’m not sure yet if it’s a curse or a blessing.  For one thing he is a dry heroin addict. I say dry instead of recovering because he’s not in a treatment program, going to NA, OR doing anything to further his recovery. He is on court ordered probation, mostly because I begged the Judge for leniency, so he is urine tested and was ordered to attend an intense outpatient drug rehabilitation treatment program but it hasn’t begun yet. I must give credit though, for Eric helping take care of me at night and clean and maintain the house. I love him dearly, however, I AM his mother so I do and will worry.  GOODNIGHT FRIENDS!

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please feel free to be as open, honest, blunt, and real as think you need to when leaving your comment. any of you who can relate to any one of my issues or takes offense to something I've written I'd especially like to hear from. I'm sorry to say that any comments left anonymously will not be published whether positive or negative. however, i still appreciate the insight and value the opinion. Thanks, L.A.M.B.