Thursday, January 13, 2011
Another summer had passed by while I lay in a hospital except this time I came home with a tracheotomy and a feeding tube. It’s no wonder Eric quit me seeing as a woman and more like a patient every day. I spent the long, cold, dreary winter going from one doctor to another. Finally, all the implements were removed and I was more or less myself although, it did take 3 months to heal those atrocious, painful, and miserable bedsores. I also lost so much weight through the ordeal I was down to 114 lbs which certainly wasn’t enough for my 5’ 6” frame.
Eric spent the winter working on what was to become my permanent bedroom which used to be our large den. Because I was ALWAYS cold, he insulated the entire room including the ceiling and put in two heating ducts plus a space heater for those cold Pennsylvania nights. He added a sink and two small windows and took out the large brick fireplace in the south facing wall. Since our front door entrants and coat room were adjacent and connected by a doorway to the new room the front door was permanently closed off and the front room became my walk in closet. When the bedroom was finished it was quite self-sufficient with a mini fridge and microwave along with filtered water from the small sink.
We both got the flu late that winter and were terribly ill. Thankfully, Eric became sick before I did and was able to take care for me even though he was not fully recovered. But the important thing is that I didn’t end up in hospital. Thanks to the lung equipment prescribed when I was in Presby.
We were having a hard time finding good help during that period as well and turnover was a big problem. We had people steal from us and one ex-employee quit without notice then tried to convince the state that I sexually harassed her!
Spring and summer came and I was in excellent health; Physically. Emotionally I was deteriorating into a despondency so severe I couldn’t see beyond my own misery. It was now four and half years since Eric made love to me and I had recently begun regaining sensation in those special areas. Sometimes the feelings of craving and desire would come over me so strongly it was painful. And once again I didn’t see with full clarity the toll the extra work, the sleepless nights, the years, had actually taken on Eric. It wouldn’t be long before I would have my eyes opened in the most brutal of ways.
It would be a roller coaster ride for me that late summer through late fall and early winter in 2009. I would shoot to the highest stars on cherubs wings and then be crushed into powder like a clump of dried dirt under a workman’s boot. (to be continued)